TRANSFER RUMOURS: Arsenal, Manchester City, West Ham, Newcastle, Chelsea, Liverpool, Aston Villa, Wigan, Derby County, Middlesbrough

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Like a pack of post-apocalyptic feral street hounds, the papers are charging over here with lots of rabid transfer froth dripping from their jowls.

A one on one fight is on the cards for Djibril Cisse – On one side we have Sven’s Manchester City and on the other Alan Curbishley’s West Ham – and for some reason (which we haven’t figured out yet) the French superstar with the fashion sense of a demented chameleon is available for a pittance – a mere £5million should be enough to snag the bizarrely coiffed striker.(Daily Mirror)

…And Sven has flown to Bangkok, Thailand for a bit of fun! The Manchester City kingpin is after Thai international full-back Suree Sukha. (The Telegraph)

LA Galaxy owners have put their collective feet down over David Beckham, and any cheeky bids to bag Becks on loan will be treated will utter disgust – one owner even had the temerity to call David Beckham “our property”. (The Sun)

…Whilst Norwich, who had set their sights a little lower than England’s saviour David Beckham, have been rebuffed bu Big Sam in their lusty desires to bring Shola Ameobi to East Anglia on loan. (Various)

Arsenal’s Jens Lehmann, so desperate for the sweet sweet feeling of diving about between a couple of sticks, is reportedly ready to jettison Arsenal and will even consider scampering off to a German second tier side; all in the name of keeping his place in the German Euro 2008 team. (The Sun)

Liverpool‘s ginger Norwegian John Arne Riise has set off a fire extinguisher aimed at the lapping flames of the “Riise wants to leg it to Villa!” rumours. (Various)

Anyone for 23-year-old French striker and goal machine Gillaume Hoarau? Chelsea seem to be the first to express an interest, their hand shooting up like the classroom suck up during a Maths quiz. (Various)

…Whilst Avram Grant has claimed that Didier Drogba couldn’t be happier with life at Chelsea if they changed their name to Marseilles and moved en masse to the South of France.(Various)

Billy Davies’ threat of ‘just you lot wait until January when we bring in a truckload of superstars’ appears to be a figment of his imagination. Apparently the Derby County bigwigs will only sanction a Derby-sized spending spree if they have a decent chance of actually staying up. (Daily Star)

…And Drogba’s one true love, Jose Mourinho is being sounded out to replace Frank Rijkaard at Barcelona – even though they have a superstar team they haven’t come back from a 1-0 deficit in over a year, something that doesn’t wash with Barca President Joan Laporta. (Daily Mail)

Paul Jewell has rejected a potential second coming at Wigan, and the poor lambs are now left with two tepid names on their ‘hotlist’, Joe Royle or Gary McAllister. Rather like choosing between a broken leg or a broken arm. (Daily Mirror)

West Bromwich Albion, Derby County and Wigan Athletic are in a three way joust, the prize? £3m-rated Barnsley midfielder Brian Howard. (Guardian)

You heard it here first, well actually second; Middlesbrough‘s Gareth Southgate has leapt on reports that winger Stewart Downing wants to bugger off – Southgate trusts Downing and has reiterated that he doesn’t want a transfer. You got that? Downing does not want a transfer! Anyone after Stewart Downing can look elsewhere. Not a chance. Downing to move? – NOPE! NO! NON! NEIN! (The Independent)

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST….Sheffield Wednesday’s Lenny…(ED: Under No Circumstances Think About Switching His Initials Around!)…ahem…Kenny Lunt is up for some loan action at Crewe. (Daily Star)

Read more Liverpool transfer rumours on the Liverpool section. – Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles