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Schizoid Paper Alert!! Carrick To Tottenham. No wait! Carrick wants Berbatov at Manchester United.

“GO ON…YOU HAVE HIM!”
“NO – YOU TAKE HIM HE’S PANTS – GIVE US BERBY INSTEAD!”

Well that’s how the fertile imaginations in the COS Dungeon pictured the conversation between Sir Alex Ferguson and Juande Ramos, with the schizoid Daily Telegraph posting two utterly contrary articles without a hint of remorse.
The first article is headlined: “Tottenham want £18m Michael Carrick back”, whilst the second says:

Ok right… In this pretty extreme example of ‘covering bases’ the Telegraph has basically told us to think whatever we want to… Carrick is reported as saying that he wants to play with Berbatov (at which club exactly is open to debate), Carrick said:

“Any world-class player who is going to bring something different to the club, you always welcome that, whether it’s Berbatov or whoever.I’ve watched him quite a bit because he’s playing for my old club and I try to watch them whenever I can. He had a very good season last year and people are always going to link him with big clubs like United. Berbatov certainly would bring something different.”

Meanwhile, in another parallel universe of the Telegraph’s creation Michael Carrick could be back at Spurs(!) They report that Carrick is perched right at the top of Juande Ramos’ January shopping list, and the Spaniard is willing to offer a cool £18 million to grab him back – this cheeky move is moving towards the realms of ‘barefaced cheek’ with Ramos offering £600,000 less than the Ferg paid for him…

So what is it to be? Carrick to Tottenham or Berbatov to United? We are, as always, very, very confused.