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Liverpool’s £9million Striker Raid

Liverpool’s £9million Dutch Striker Dirk Kuyt woke up today with the realization that he is in exactly the same boat as Andy “Mayday” Van Der Meyde. And if there is one thing players on Merseyside don’t want – it is to be compared to stumbling buffoon Van Der Meyde.

Then again Kuyt could also compare himself to Jerzy Dudek, Daniel Agger, Peter Crouch, Pepe Reina, and even Wayne Rooney. The Dutchman was the fifth Liverpool player in 18months to be robbed; it isn’t exactly rocket science for the wannabe burgulars as when and where these players are going to be on match days are public knowledge.

An Anfield spokesman said:

“We don’t know exactly what was taken but his home was broken into.”

Whilst the Bizzies said:

“We are investigating a burglary in Woolton, Liverpool, last Thursday.”

For God’s sake you lummoxes – invest in some decent security!!! Whilst Merseyside’s superstar footballers are being whisked all over the world and being paid huge sums to do so, their homes are being looted, and naturally the two craziest incidents come from the Blue half of Merseyside.

First there is gruff Scottish totem Duncan ‘Disorderly’ Ferguson who put a hapless burgular in hospital when he caught them, and secondly there is Andy Van Der Meyde – whose home was raided with the thieves nabbing his Ferrari, a Mini Cooper, and eight Rolex watches – as well as dognapping his puppy who was held to ransom for £5,000(!)

Time for these goons to tighten up on the old security?