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Crazed German Doctor Plots Yet More Fiddling With Newcastle’s Striker.

Sneaky little goalscoring chappy Michael Owen is again turning to the Bavarians to fix his cripplings. Last time Owen went to Bavaria his groin was fiddled with by Dr Ulrike Mushawek who (possibly) wore lederhosen and swigged vast steins of beer whilst tweaking Owen’s goolies as if they were in a frenzied biology class frog dissection.

Ulrike worked her magic so well on Owen’s double groin op that ‘Little Mickey’ is now turning to another Bavarian, Dr Hans Müller-Wohlfahrt. This Doctor sounds like a rosette-winning-at-the-village-fair 100% Class-A lunatic. The Times reports that Dr Hans likes to inject his victims patients with a mixture of

“calves’ blood, honey and hylart, a gel-like extract from the comb of a cockerel”

Six years ago Germany’s team doctor Dr Müller-Wohlfahrt watched in disgust as his patient Owen, for whom he had painstakingly repaired the blighter’s little hamstrings, scored a hat-trick in England’s famous 5-1 win over the Germans.

Unaware of the ‘history’ shared between the Doctor and his patient, Big Sam crowed:

“We’ve sent Michael to Germany to see Dr Müller-Wohlfahrt in a bid to speed up his recovery. At the moment we don’t see the point in changing our view that we will be without him for between four and six weeks.”

Any chance that this cockerel inspired ‘rooster booster’ treatment could be a cruel and unusual method of revenge – six years in the making?