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Capello courts England like a sleazy barfly

Fabio Capello is very proud of his hard man image. He don’t take no shit from no one, like a sort of football manager version of Alan Sugar, without that rubbish beard. But in actual fact he’s not as cool as he thinks. Spending all his time trying to chat up the FA with his subtle hints about how much he wants the England job, he comes across a desperate drunk trying to chat up girl in a bar. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘treat them mean, keep them keen, Fabio?’ Obviously not, judging by what he wrote in his Spanish football column over the weekend.

How could players of such a high level perform so differently with their national team to the way they perform with their clubs? It is clear that they suffer a mental block. How else can you explain England getting knocked out?

That we’re rubbish? Sorry, carry on.

Wearing the England shirt clearly weighs heavily on their shoulders, even though they are champions [with their clubs]. In situations like this, the coach has a fundamental role to play, one that is more psychological than technical or tactical.

Could that coach be you Fabio? I bet you’d like that wouldn’t you, you dirty devil. Well, just wait and see, no need to look too keen. Remember, no one else wants the job, it’s you v ‘Arry Redknapp, with his saggy face there is only one winner.