TRANSFER RUMOURS: Tottenham, Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Manchester City, Newcastle, Bolton, Portsmouth, Middlesbrough and Reading.

A rotten grab-bag of five month old stale transfer chocolate for you all today.

[James, while kicking Kruge off of the cliff’s edge]
James T. Kirk: I… have had ENOUGH… of YOU!
[Kruge falls screaming into the lavascape below]
The Tottenham-Berby saga is so lip gnawingly boring that in our delirious transfer mind we have started to picture ourselves as Captain James T.Kirk, smashing this tedious rumour off the cliff face and into the ‘lavascape’ below. For those of you not bored to death by this syphilitic rumour Berby could leave Spurs in January. (Sun)

Manchester United target Miguel Veloso claims that he is “100% a Sporting Lisbon player” for now, but is eyeing up a move to Old Trafford which the Portuguese midfielder describes as “sensational”. Veloso will have to play bloomin’ well tonight, as Sporting Lisbon travel to play Manchester United. (Daily Mail)

Bolton Midfielder Kevin Nolan wants Gary Megson to fight tooth and nail to keep Nic Anelka, whilst Man City and Man United lurk in dark tunnels like a couple of seedy Arthur Slugworths ready to poach the Frenchman’s goal-nabbing secrets.(Sun)

Leroy Lita is set to pack his bags and quietly leave Reading for not giving him enough of the old ‘first team football’, Middlesbrough and Portsmouth will both try and pounce offering £3m for his services. (Sun)

Apparently Rafa Benitez missed the boat on Ac Milan’s Georgian defender Kakha Kaladze, because of his American paymasters and their refusal to discuss transfer plans.(Independent)

…And if Hicks and his buddy boot Rafa out of Liverpool, a host of players will follow the Spaniard to the exit door. (Various)

Newcastle are desperate to bag NEC Nijmegen defender Jonas Olsson to shore up their shoddy defence. (Daily Mail)

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