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Newcastle Star Is The World’s Most Dangerous Man

Newcastle’s loonmaster general, a feral wild-man who has a penchant for stubbing out cigars in people’s eyes and can expose his bum or crunch someone’s gonads at the slightest provocation has claimed that he isn’t scared of jail – but we think that jail should be pretty bloody scared of him.
Barton faces the possibility of spending some time in the slammer for allegedly beating up his former Man City teammate Ousmane Dabo, but Barton defiantly told journo’s that:

‘If you go to prison for defending yourself then, yes, I suppose I’ll have to think about it.I don’t care. It doesn’t scare me at all, because I’ve done nothing wrong. I can go home and sleep at night and know I’ve done what I thought was right. I don’t think I’m a bad person. If the incidents I’ve been involved in had been to anyone other than a Premier League footballer, I don’t think they’d even be mentioned. It was something that I’ve seen five, six, seven times since I’ve been a professional footballer. But nobody cares whether I’m innocent or guilty – nobody cares. I’m already guilty before I’ve been sat in front of a judge – that’s the disappointing thing. It’s my reputation. It’s my fault I’ve got that reputation, but you shouldn’t be slaughtered for trying to make yourself a better person. One day I will get to speak about the full facts.’

Personally we can’t wait for the full facts, and for the reasoning behind why he battered his teammate.