TOP TEN ways for boycotting Newcastle United fans to spend their Saturday afternoon

Many of the Toon Army are considering missing this weekend’s match against Hull City, in an attempt to persuade their moronic owner Mike Ashley to either re-think his actions or to sell up. Here are ten ways for the fans to spend their afternoon, rather than giving their obese owner another pound of their hard-earned cash!

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TEN) Watch the game in the pub, it’s bound to be on some Scandinavian channel that an unscrupulous landlord will be screening!

NINE) Go shopping with your partner (note I didn’t say missus as this could be construed as un-PC!).

EIGHT) Save your money for the next away game and therefore not give Mr Ashley any of your money buying his half time pies!

SEVEN) Pay Kevin Keegan a visit and see how he is doing. Fingers crossed he will be back at St James’ Park soon enough!

SIX) Go and visit Anil Ambanim, say hello and tell him just how happy you would be to see him purchase the club.

FIVE) Stand outside St James’ Park and register your protest. This would probably the best way to show your displeasure at recent events.

FOUR) Walk into the club shop and pile up all the merchandise you can carry, walk to the counter and then, just as you’re about to give yet more money to the bloated owner, turn around and walk out!

THREE) Write a strongly-worded letter to the embattled owner, pointing just how despicable his actions have been, and how you would like him to leave as soon as possible.

TWO) Wear a Mike Ashley look-a-like costume and rob a bank in the city centre. With any luck, he will be arrested and incarcerated. However this could backfire disastrously!

ONE) Go to the game and turn your back for the entire duration whilst chanting “Ashley Out!” for ninety minutes. This could be the best way to get the message across!

On a serious note, what do Newcastle United fans plan on doing to show just how frustrated and angry they are at recent despicable events?

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