Manchester City Owners to Invent Time Machine To Clinch Premier League Title!

Boy those Sheikh’s have money to burn!

In a latest twist in the ‘Find a World Class Superstar and Offer Him more money than sense’ approach to team building it appears that the Eastlands outfit is set to commission the building of a time machine in order to purchase players at the peak of their abilities even if today in the year 2009 those self same players are either very very old or in fact very very dead!

Mark Hughes was given a set of old football annuals and some old video recordings and told by the club’s owners to compile a list of players who “took his fancy” and that he should “think outside the box” and consider “time to be a constant that can, with the right amount of money, be re-shaped” in a manner not unlike that displayed in the season finale of hit TV show LOST.

With this information in hand and a large G&T in hand Sparky went about his task and thus over a period of hours outlined the players he felt most likely to give his side the edge and the necessary boost to take the mid table side that step nearer to winning the Premier League next May.

His first request to bring himself back in said Time Machine from Circa 1986 was turned down flat by Sheikh Mansour, the former Man United legend then argued that something similar had in fact happened in Series 5 of LOST, they said that he should stop living in a dream world and that to bring back an incarnation of himself would a) defy yet another law of quantum physics and b) felt a little like an attempt on Hughes’s behalf to claim a second wage.

Unperturbed the gray haired former Blackburn Rovers and Wales boss suggested that the best way to lead his team to success would be to entice Pele in his 1970 pomp who’s ball skills and vision would surely aid the City side and would act as a magical figure for the current crop of Brazilians to work around and admire.

Other names discussed in the behind closed doors boardroom meeting included Franz Beckenbauer to play just in front of the back four which would include legendary Liverpool centre back Alan Hansen. Another name mooted to be in the frame from a shock recall from retirement was one time Man United striker and current Rotherham boss Mark Robins, however such a deal would have to include clearance from the current version of the Ashton Under Lyne man for his 1990 self to be eligible to play should the sides draw each other in cup competition.

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