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David Beckham Files for Divorce: Victoria and Becks Set to Announce Split

News that will stun and sadden entire population of Planet Earth.

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News is circulating that the Beckham’s are about to split after nearly 11 years of marriage. The high profile couple have reportedly been experiencing many marital issues of late and David is believed to have instigated divorce proceedings.

David Beckham is of course recuperating after suffering a lengthy injury whilst on AC Milan duty and its is believed that the strain this has resulted in may be a mitigating factor in the disharmony in the Beckham household. The footballer’s lawyer Lois Parlfo would not confirm rumours that the argument that broke the camel’s back started when David suggested, perhaps in jest, that Emma Bunton was in fact the only talented member of the Spice Girls this resulted in a heated exchange that caused a number of dishes (exact number unconfirmed at this stage) to be thrown in David’s general vicinity, he only managed to avoid serious injury by protecting himself with the pair of crutches he had to hand.

A number of issues are believed to have been cited by the 34 year old LA Galaxy player in the official divorce papers due to be filed tomorrow at noon. Among the problems listed as causing the split include.

1) David is incensed by the manner in which Victoria behaves following the habitual defeat in their weekly Trivial Pursuit encounters.
2) Victoria’s insistence on singing in the shower at annoyingly high volumes at the exact moment when David is attempting to watch Countdown.
3) Victoria’s inability to pass a mirror without spending a good half an hour adjusting her hair.
4) The repeated claims that she will “be ready in 5 minutes” when in fact the time taken is more like half an hour.
5) The manner in which Victoria has taken to naming the sport that her husband earns a living in as “soccer”, something that she blatantly knows upsets and angers the talented midfielder.

David and Victoria Beckham snuggle up in the back of their car as they leave LAs Hyde nightclub following a night out with Tom Cruise

It is as yet unknown how the couple’s infinite wealth will be apportioned but David is apparently willing to leave the family home immediately just as long as he gets the cheese grater that was given to him by the Dalai Lama.

Both were unavailable for comment on the issue.

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