Wayne Rooney’s Plaster Cast Talks: Exclusive Interview With Old Trafford Insider

The interview they all wanted to get, we beat them to it! Manchester United striker’s greatest supporter talks.

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Sports News - March 31, 2010

We are all worried to death that England’s of success at the World Cup lie in the hands (or should that be feet) of a player who is clearly not fighting fit. Manchester United goal machine Wayne Rooney can’t stop scoring (literally, he turns up at training an hour early to try to persuade his feet to do things other than shooting on sight) but now he is injured and everyone is panicking that he won’t be ready, willing and able to do battle in South Africa but we conducted an interview with the one inanimate object who knows the real extent of the striker’s injury. “Who is that?” you ask, its his plaster cast off course.

We met with the plaster cast at a downtown Manchester eatery and the first thing we note is that the plaster cast looks strangely out of place not attached to someones limb, but we soon get over it and start questioning the plaster cast. We thought we should start the interview in a lighthearted manner as we have been informed that he can be a little awkward when in public.

Q – So, do you like it when people write all over you with big felt tip pens?
A – That’s a good question, no one has ever asked me that to be honest. I am fine with that personally but I can understand why some find it annoying.

Q – So how are things going, is the public glare effecting your ability to do your job?
A – Well when you have been around as much as I have then you kind of get used to the limelight. I’ve been working at Old Trafford for a few years now, I arrived with Ruud a few years back and decided to stay at the club to see if I could do a good job.

Q – How does it feel to have the hopes of an entire nation resting on your shoulder?”
A – Well I don’t have shoulders (we both laugh awkwardly), but I think I know what you are getting at. Wayne and I have a great relationship and we spend a lot of time together and I know that he feels the pressure as much as I do, but I think its part and parcel of the job so we just get on with it.

Q – We thought we would take the opportunity to ask you about Owen Hargreaves. Clearly someone you would have noticed in the physio’s room over the years. Will he ever play again for the first team?
A – Owen who…the bearded guy? I thought he was just some hanger on, he plays for the club? Seriously, is this an April Fools Joke?

We change tack quickly as it appears the Plaster Cast is getting a little hot under the collar. Camera’s are trained on him and a raft of paparazzi appear to have nobbled us and our location has become public knowledge.

Q – So, the question we are all eager to get a definitive answer to, will Wayne be back in time for the World Cup? Can he play a part in the remainder of the season for Man United?
A – Ah, the million dollar question. Look his leg feels like it is getting better. I am providing all the support I can, quite literally, and I have been in this business long enough to know I shouldn’t second guess the diagnosis but I think he’ll make it for the World Cup and hopefully Wayne will be back in time for the Manchester derby, I know he wants to get back for that one.

And with that he is gone. He received a phone call from a sleepy Wayne Rooney who appeared to need his Plaster Cast back as soon as possible. He’s away in a flash in a blacked out Mercedes and the press hoardes charge after him and his most famous client, Wayne Rooney.

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