Offside View: Where Manchester United Boss Sir Alex Ferguson Got it All Wrong

With a weekly ‘Offside View’ of the footballing world new COS contributor EAVESY DOES IT takes a sarcastic look at the shortcomings of the most successful British football manger ever.

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He’s made a lot of mistakes hasn’t he.

Let’s think about and pick up on certain players.

Van Der Sar has been shocking going forward, shocking. I mean he plays every game near enough yet what has he brought to our attack in the absence of Rooney. What I ask you?

Ben Foster is apparently voting for UKIP after what Ferguson has driven him to. Replaced by cheap Polish labour.

Gary Neville is another, who told him he could start playing well again? Talk about holding back youth. O’Shea, injured playing for Ireland, does he not know it’s almost tradition that players born in Ireland should be overlooked for English imports for the Irish team. Disgrace.

Evra, too one dimensional, always hogging the left. Vidic, mean, moody and grumpy. Why is he living up to his Eastern European stereotype?

Rio eh? If you buy a player named after a river then you must accept they’ll be the odd leak. I’m assuming on this one he was named after the Rio Grande and not the city.

Da Silva brothers, sounds more like a South American drug gang than two full backs. Ferguson’s missing a trick here too. Should always have Fabio on the bench, in that case if Rafael gets booked then do a quick sub, get them to bend down behind the bench and throw Rafael back on. No-one is the wiser and United are still in Europe. Jose would have thought of that.

Scholes, the guy has red hair and asthma and you stick him in midfield. Eh? Bizarre. Beside him is Carrick, a man who would be more fun at an accountants meeting than a big night out. How can he be expected to show any passion? And everyone knows Fletcher is only in as he’s Scottish.

I’d be checking Anderson’s passport. From Brazil and can’t shoot to save his life. Even Brazilian defenders can shoot.

Valencia, he’s from Ecuador, they eat guinea pigs. Nuff said. Count Park in that bracket as well.

Ryan Giggs is an anagram of ‘you can’t keep depending on me’. Nani? Never trust a player who has such strong leanings to the right. Especially when you’re a good friend of Gordon Brown.

Owen Hargeaves, Welsh heritage, born in Canada, matured in Germany and plays for England. Something was bound to go wrong there wasn’t it!

Berbatov, he’s Bulgarian. Ever been in a Bulgarian restaurant? It takes you 5 attempts to get served, yet when they get around to it, it’s rather good. Then United rely on two scousers up front. Never rely on scousers, look at Sunday.

Macheda tells us he’s an out and out striker but have you seen the size of his nose? Someone has been telling a few lies haven’t they Federico!

Mike Phelan as assistant. What does he know? At least he’s used to sitting on the bench.

How he ever expected to make any sort of team out of this lot is beyond me.

Rubbish manager.

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