The noise making machine that has multi purpose powers.
The vexed subject of the Vuvuzela has been the subject of a great deal of debate and it seems that whilst some can’t get enough of the ‘instrument’ and the wasp like noise it emits there are others who have just about had enough of the damn thing, and would probably resort to criminal acts on those who opt to use them for entire matches.
This led us to come to some sort of compromise on the whole issue and that was to come up with ten other ways to use the Vuvuzela that would perhaps me amenable to all concerned. Oh yes, and we also thought it would be a good chance to try and be amusing (have we failed, probably).
Thats right, in many ways the shape of the stadium horn would make it an idea potting device. Ideal for long stemmed plants such as tulips or even roses it could well be a secondary use that would help everyone in the garden.
Fake leg for a Long John Silver Fancy Dress Party
We’ve all been there. Arrived at an impromptu fancy dress party only to find that you’ve not got a fake leg for the Pirate themed celebration. Worry no more, that Vuvuzela you have in your possession can simply be upturned and placed below your knee and hey presto, job done. You’ll be the toast of the party and you’ll probably be very popular with the opposite sex.
Spare Table Leg
The next time you arrange an important dinner party but realise that your entertaining table is missing a table leg, you need not worry because you already have a ready made implement perfect for the job. Alternatively if you have an important dinner party and you have no table at all then all you need is four vuvuzelas and something with a smooth flat surface to place on top, perhaps Paris Hilton?
A good way to help spread the love of the Vuvuzela to other sports. Though made chiefly of plastic there are bound to be metal or wooden versions of the instrument available which could then handily be used as a baseball bat. Alternatively they can be used to attack those who play the damned things in a manner one might use a baseball bat to exert violence on one and other.
Surely this has already been in operation in bars and pubs across the world. The Vuvuzela is an ideal way to put the instrument to good use. Simply ask a friend to poor copious amounts of alcoholic liquid (Tequila perhaps) in the funnel end and you just position yourself below the thin (blowing) end and enjoy!
An Old Fashioned Hearing Aid
An Extra Arm Extension
There are so many occasions when things are just slightly out of reach either due to one’s own height or laziness. The next time you can’t quite reach the remote control but wish to change channels or perhaps you simply want to turn off the television all together due to irritating din, then you have the handy tool to do so right there in your hand!
Yes admittedly it would be the worst ever telescope ever invented but that no one else needs to know its not working. All you need to do is aim the Vuvuzela into the night sky and make intelligent references to seeing “Saturn’s third ring resplendent with inert gases” and hope that no one realises you are in fact pointing a plastic instrument skywards that has no magnifying capabilities whatsoever.
Blow Dart for use in Political Assassinations
Imagine it if you will. You have been employed by the Soviet Secret Services in the late 1970s and you’ve been employed to deal with a potential defector. You’ve brought you blow darts but you realise at the last moment you’ve left your blow dart apparatus on the train from Vladivostok but that’s not problem because you’ve got your trusty Vuvuzela. One word of warning do not accidentally blow to hard as the noise that follows may well alert said defector and then he may make a run for it.
Why not use the Vuvuzela for its seemingly most natural function? It makes a noise that is known to result in the melting of the brain and hearing passages around it so why doesn’t a major nation design a military capability for its horrifying abilities? What is needed is a ‘super-vuvuzela’ that is approximately the size of an Elephant which can then be marched onto the battle field and then played whilst the enemy advances. The results will render your opposition powerless.