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Offside View: If Footballers Were Cannibals They Would Eat Themselves

This weeks Offside View suspects that footballers may be getting just a little too big for their boots.

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Feb. 24, 2010 - Bucharest, Romania - epa02052535 Liverpool FC midfielder Javier Mascherano reacts during a press conference at a hotel in Bucharest, Romania, 24 February 2010. Liverpool faces Unirea Urziceni in a Europa League soccer match at Steaua Stadium in Bucharest on 25 February 2010.

Football is beginning to eat itself. In fact if footballers were cannibals you suspect they’d start with their own feet such is the self love around at the moment. How could they resist themselves?

Javier Mascherano, so incredibly vocal on the pitch, seemed to have lost the power of speech and was unable to answer any of his new manager’s calls. He’d obviously convinced himself he was far too important to actually have to face the music and hoped everyone else got it sorted for him.

Roy Hodgson resembled a man who’d been dumped by text when trying to explain this during a press conference. His requests for Mascherano to get in touch had more in common with a missing persons appeal than a new manager stamping his authority on a team. If it had carried on much longer, no doubt we would have seen Javier’s ugly mug on milk cartons.

Now we hear he wants to leave Liverpool immediately with Hodgson having to remind him of the power of the contract. Next we’ll have Blatter proclaiming him to be a slave.
Patrice Evra managed to go into the World Cup a widely respected footballer yet he was a main player in the farce that followed. They felt they had to stand up for Anelka, who had been sent home for telling Domenech where to go and also labelling his manager’s mother a whore.

When the player’s wishes weren’t granted they were so used to getting their own way that they weren’t sure what to do, so they reverted to type and being French that means initially striking and then retreating from their original stance.
I have visions of Joe Cole spending much of the summer sat in a smoking jacket, pipe in hand, whilst he waited for his minions to bring him the latest offer from one of our country’s top clubs.

He no doubt choked on his Brandy when he realised the wages on offer didn’t stretch to 6 figures a week. You missed a trick here Joe, you should have made more of an effort to pimp yourself in the early stages of the World Cup.
Remember those heady days? When you were described as ‘England’s Only Creative Force’™, shame you had to spoil it all by actually taking to the pitch where the performance was never likely to live up to the Messi-like comparisons we’d all been subjected to.

Luke Young, part time Villa player, has been offered the chance to join one of the world’s biggest clubs and yet seems to prefer life as an O’Neil outcast. Choosing to pick up an extra chunk in his pay packet and warm the bench at Villa rather than have a chance at Liverpool.

Fernando Torres wants to see the books at Liverpool, ‘his beef is with the club’. I can see his issue, apparently his beef has been with the club for over a year now. It’s going to be well past its best. For a player increasingly succumbing to injuries this should be an omen but no, he seems to want to put his beloved Liverpool through a financial Krypton Factor to assess whether they’re worthy of expecting him to honour his contract.
For all these players, excuses will be made by their own supporters. Gordon Taylor, the head of the PFA, who is paid an utterly reasonable £900k a year, will routinely come out and back his members. As long as this continues we can hardly complain when the worshipped begin to worship themselves.

More Stories Cannibals Javier Mascherano Joe cole Offside View Sepp Blatter