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Wikileaks Football Shocker: Paul the Octopus Assassinated By Russian Mafia

The latest leak from Julian Assange shocks the entire planet to the core.

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Leaked cables from troublemaking site Wikileaks have today blown the lid off the unseemly chain of events that led to the assassination of clairvoyant Octopus Paul. Founder Julian Assange was reportedly keen to make sure details of this latest earth shattering leak were revealed before he is carted off to Sweden en route to extradition to the United States where he will have all his fingers removed with a spoon in revenge for his attention seeking actions.

Some of you will remember the momentous moment when the psychic cephalopod announced that he believed England would win the 2018 World Cup bid, few of you will however be aware that some weeks before a delegation from the Russian FA visited Paul and handed him a very large sum of money was offered, and taken, by the resident of the Oberhausen Aquarium on the proviso that he backed Russia.

In leaked emails Paul was increasingly depressed about his nefarious actions and wished instead to vote with one of his many hearts and not be swayed by the cash he was given by the Russians. However he had it seemed spent the said money on sprucing up his exhibit with the latest IKEA range, an act he would later regret.

Once Paul had opted for England he was living on borrowed time, a fact he was all to aware of. Staff at the aquarium noted a change in his demeanour and a marked decrease in his seafood intake. In late October Paul was declared deceased but the mystery surrounding his sudden death have remained a secret but leaked cables revealed by Wikileaks show that he was in fact murdered, an act that left a world in perpetual mourning to this day.

Mr Assange stated that he got no personal pleasure from the fame that came his way as a result of the publication of these top secret documents, this did not stop the Wikileaks founder from staring thoughtfully straight down the lens of the nearest camera.


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