10 Ways You Know For Sure You’re A Die-hard Liverpool Fan

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5) You think Jamie Carragher’s lack of England caps should be regarded as a national tragedy…

In 2005, Carragher was one of the best centre-halves in Europe, and yet countless managers picked permanent sick-notes like Ledley King and Jonathan Woodgate ahead of him. Strange. Carragher had just won the Champions League for goodness sake. Woodgate was on loan at Middelsbrough!

4) You will literally never, ever, ever understand Roy Hogson’s first summer in charge…

Ok. Prepare yourselves… Roy Hodgson decides to loan out Alberto Aquilani who cost Liverpool £18m the previous summer. Here’s the good part: The player was FINALLY fit after spending an entire year on the sidelines, but Hodgson LENT the player to Juventus, before BUYING Juventus’ hopelessly ageing midfielder Christian Poulsen for £5m as a replacement.

This actually happened.

(Hodgson also spent £4m on Paul Konchesky, and £3m on shockingly poor reserve keeper Brad Jones.)

He was sacked before January.

3) You know that there’s nothing a good striker can do worse than leaving Liverpool…

At Liverpool, Michael Owen won a Ballon D’or, and Fernando Torres was regarded as the best striker in world football…

After leaving, Owen sat on a bench or an injury bed for the next eight years, while Torres became the butt of virtually every football joke ever told.

Combined, Owen and Torres scored 239 goals in 12 different seasons for Liverpool.

Since leaving, they’ve managed 100 goals in 13 seasons.

You’ve been warned, Luis Suarez…

2) There isn’t a day that goes by when you don’t add up what you could by with the Carroll, Downing and Henderson money….

Combined, the three most average English footballers of their generation cost Liverpool £76m.

Around this time, this could get you, 2 Sergio Agueros, 3 Juan Matas or 35 Michus…

35 Michus would probably get most clubs in the top four, if you could keep them all happy.

1) You will pathetically, blindly, immorally, implausibly defend the indefensible actions of Luis Suarez…

Yes, we know he bit that player at Ajax. Yes, we know he handballed on the line against Ghana in the World Cup and the celebrated hysterically when they missed the penalty. Yes, we know he racially abused Patrice Evra. Yes, we know he dives the whole time, and even owned up to it. Yes, we know he bit Branislav Ivanovic.

Yes, we know he is a thoroughly unpleasant chap….

But did you just see that nutmeg…?

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