Arsenal, Chelsea and Everton manager’s deconstructed to form ultimate top flight boss!
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Not a single Premier League manager has been sacked this season, which suggests that we might have a fairly decent bunch at the helm right now…
Each of them is brilliant (or terrible, depending on which side of the fence you sit on) in their own merit… Some prefer to scout out bargain buys, while others tend to spend hours on the training ground in an attempt to hone the skills of seasoned veterans. Some develop intricate and practiced tactical systems, while others prefer the ‘Go an’ give it to ’em’ approach. (Cough, Harry Redknapp.)
So with this in mind, we’ve ‘built’ our perfect 2014/15 Premier League manager!
(Based mainly on this season’s performances – but also a little bit on what they’ve done before.)
Transfers:
Sorry Brendan Rodgers. You’re not in the running for this one! This one’s a close battle between Jose Mourinho, Ronald Koeman and Sam Allardyce. Mourinho usually buys well, and this summer just gone he acquired a number of sensational players, but he’s always given the money to do so… Koeman on the other hand had his entire team ripped from under him, and signed potential stars like Graziano Pelle, Dusan Tadic and Saido Mane for Southampton. Allardyce got Alex Song on loan (why did nobody else try and sign him?!), goalscorer Diafra Sakho and World Cup star Enner Valencia – transforming West Ham into top four hopefuls. Arsene Wenger used to sign good players for little money, but then he spent £42m on Mesut Ozil… We’ll give it to Koeman!
Winner: Koeman
Man Management:
Which manager gets his players working at 110% every week? Which boss knows when to use the carrot or the stick, and how to unite a group of overpaid millionaires? Mourinho’s pretty good at this too – but we’re going for Manuel Pellegrini. Since arriving in the Premier League, the Chilean has had to deal with 22 top quality players who deserve starting spots. None of them ever complain, and the Sky Blues have every chance of retaining their top flight crown this term – sitting just three points behind Chelsea at the top. Pellegrini’s quiet and well-mannered, but he’s managing and maximising the talents of one of the best squads in Europe.
Winner: Pellegrini
Press conferences:
In this day and age, the ability to handle the press and keep them on side is crucial, and nobody does it better than Arsene Wenger. In complete, utter contrast to the consistently angry Neil Warnock and the ref-blaming Sam Allardyce – Wenger is intelligent, observing and quite witty. He protects his players, and never gets drawn into discussing something that doesn’t fit his agenda.
Winner: Wenger
Substitutions:
Jose Mourinho. He takes this one hands down. Mourinho is always, always ready to drag off the players he feels aren’t cutting the mustard. It helps that he has a star-studded bench most Saturday afternoons, but he normally uses it brilliantly.
Winner: Mourinho
Likeability:
Most managers are quite likeable when they’re winning, but Roberto Martinez is a nice chap all of the time. The friendly Spaniard smiles and laughs his way through interviews, shakes hands with everyone, and brightens up your day most times he’s in front of a camera!
Winner: Martinez
Bouncebackability:
Alan Pardew. Alan Pardew. Alan Pardew. A dead-man-walking in terms of the managerial sack race for most of 2014, Pardew has somehow transformed a team totally disconnected and a crowd baying for his blood. Newcastle have now won six of their last eight!
Winner: Pardew
Mind games:
Sir Alex would get the nod here if he was still in charge at United (remember the Kevin Keegan rant, and the Rafa Benitez head-loss?!), but Mourinho has taken the mantle, expertly. The Portuguese knows exactly how to get into the heads of his own players, the heads of the opposition, the heads of the referees and the heads of other managers. He’s probably in your head right now.
Winner: Mourinho
Tactical flexibility:
Last year, swashbuckling Brendan Rodgers would take this hands down, but the Northern Irishman is a tactical shadow of his 2013/14 self… Now, Louis van Gaal is the top flight’s most flexible boss. He started off using wing-backs, but that didn’t work. He reverted to a 4-3-3, but then decided he wanted to use a no.10, and started playing a 4-2-3-1 instead. Then this got a little complicated, and he reverted to 4-4-2. The Dutchman is more than happy to use any of these at any point in any match, much to his players’ occasional confusion, and our delight.
Winner: Van Gaal
