Weekend Knee Jerks

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We’ve found that the hours, and often days, following the weekend’s matches are not generally a time for thoughtful opinion and considered discussion.

Instead, quite the opposite tends to happen as supporters of varying levels of drunkeness argue about how – on the back of a single match – the season is already over, multiple people need to be fired or sold, or this is the year that the elusive ‘corner’ is turned.

Rather than discourage such irrational knee jerk reactions as is often the case, they should be embraced. Why shouldn’t the manager be sacked and the entire first eleven beaten with sticks for bottling it against 10 men?

Full list of results and our reactions are after the jump. And as with the best knee jerks, they were written by COS webmaster Delius – who didn’t actually watch any of the football this weekend.

Charlton 2 – 0 Bolton
If he doesn’t get a job at another club, Sam Allardyce will quit football by the end of the season and start his own talkshow. Darren Bent is incredibly good. Iain Dowie is incredibly ugly.

Fulham 1 – 0 Sheff Utd
Sheffield United will be incredibly, incredibly relegated. Jimmy Bullard is incredibly ugly.

Liverpool 2 – 1 West Ham
West Ham are top six bound this season and may win the UEFA cup. Their football is everything that Tottenham wish they were right now. Liverpool will lose in the second round of the League Cup.

Man City 1 – 0 Arsenal
Arsenal are still in transition and Thierry Henry should have left for Barca when he had the chance. Theo Walcott is really, really good. In typical Man City fashion, the club will lose their next eleven matches.

Tottenham 0 – 2 Everton
Martin Jol’s honeymoon is over and will finish second to Glenn Roeder in the sack race. Andy Johnson will be top scorer this season.

Watford 1 – 2 Man Utd
United have their swagger back and will win the league. More than likely this is due to Fergie threatening the team with physical violence. Hargreaves will arrive for 25M by the end of the window. Watford are this year’s Norwich, good football but ultimately relegated.

Wigan 1 – 0 Reading
No one cared about this at all, apparently.

Aston Villa 2 – 0 Newcastle
Martin O’Neill is, in fact, the World’s Greatest Living Manager. As expected, 40 year old Obafemi Martins’ legs give out on him on his debut, the first sign that Glenn Roeder will win this season’s sack race.

Blackburn 0 – 2 Chelsea
Chelsea will finish second to United this year. They got dollar signs in the eyes and have gone the Galactico route, the new signings need time to settle in and they will drop points in the process. Ballack is shit and lazy. Blackburn will come 15th and Mark Hughes will take over at Newcastle.