Gerrard Replacement Found

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This is brilliant. Here’s an extract from the email some ex-posh school berk called Mike Rolt sent after his Sunday league manager suggested he move from center midfield to wide right.:

“I’ve thought about this quite hard and I just think that it’s a waste of our fittest player.”

“I know I’m quick and it would be useful out wide but unless George Mac or Tim were playing in midfield, I wouldn’t be very involved. Also pace is very effective in the centre as well – for intercepting passes/covering tackles/catching them on the break etc. I am also one of the better tacklers and headers of the ball and am also probably the most vocal.”

“Sticking me out on the wing would lose us these attributes. I wouldn’t have much running to do and, although I’ll beat my man three or four times, the play will get over congested down the left or in the middle and I’ll end up starved.”

“In an ideal world, with everybody fit and available, I would play on the right or even up front where I played with some success at Uni. Steven Gerrard has a good role at Liverpool on the right but with the freedom to roam. That ONLY works, however, because they have Sissoko and Alonso in the middle – two holding midfielders – one of which can spray the ball around.”

The worldbeater’s manager found the email so funny he forwarded it on to a couple of friends, who did the same and so the incriminating email spread like wildfire until it was picked up by ThisIsLondon.

Good news for Liverpool though. If the unthinkable happens and Gerrard leaves the Premiership for Madrid, Barcelona or does the unthinkable and buggers off forChelsea or even (if Fergie gets his way) Manchester United, there’s a guy out there who’s an ideal replacement. Mike Rolt is apparently in great shape, fast as lightning, great at tackling, breaking up plays and launching counter attacks, can beat a fullback over and over, good in the air and a born leader.

He’s even versatile, since he can also play up front. He may be even better than Gerrard. The only downside is that, like Newcastle’s Kieron Dyer and Blackburn’s (Ed: Meant Liverpool, obviously) Craig Bellamy, he doesn’t fancy playing right mid.


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