Latest Transfer Rumours: Sidwell, C. Ronaldo, Crespo, Carson, Distin and Reo-Coker

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The world of Premiership transfer rumours is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Here’s our opinion on some of that more interesting nonsense… and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.

Valencia are interested in Steve Sidwell after his two goals against Villa were spotted on Spanish telly.

CaughtOffside Says: First of all, wtf? Anyway, once Beckham finally leaves Madrid there’ll be no Englishmen in La Liga, so would be great to have Sidwell go and “reprazent”. Probably not great news for Reading, especially as they’ll receive zero euros for their midfielder thanks to that bastard Jean-Mac Bosman.

Cristiano Ronaldo won’t be joining Sidders in La Liga, he’s told close friends he’ll turn down a move to Barcelona or Real Madrid to stay at Manchester United.

CaughtOffside Says: We doubt he’ll even get the chance. Fergie has turned off his mobile, pulled the plug out of the fax, and is sending all email from Spanish clubs straight to junk mail. It worked for Bayern with Owen Hargreaves, after all.

Hernan Crespo wants to make his loan move to Inter Milan permanent.

CaughtOffside Says: He’s still a Chelsea player!? At least Andriy Shevchenko knows how the next few years of his career will pan out.

Arsenal could replace Jens Lehmann with Scott Carson this summer.

CaughtOffside Says: There’s no first team future for Carson at Liverpool, and no Premiership future at Charlton for anyone, so Arsenal could get themselves a little bargain. Would also be nice to have an England keeper playing in the Champion’s League…or at Arsenal.

Tottenham want to sign Nigel Reo-Coker from West Ham.

CaughtOffside Says: When West Ham go down, Reo-Coker will be off despite his horrible early season form being a major contributing factor to their impending doom. We remember at our last office job we were handsomely rewarded for being utter toss as well, so no hard feelings…

Chelsea want to sign Plymouth’s 17 year old right back Dan Gosling.

CaughtOffside Says: Remember the day you heard the name Dan Gosling. Because you will never hear it again.

Harry Redknapp confident he can persuade Manchester City’s Sylvain Distin – whose contract expires this summer – to join him at Portsmouth.

CaughtOffside Says: Once you start losing players to Portsmouth, you’re officially a selling club. And when they leave on a free you’re not even a good selling club.