Hot Rumours: Chelsea, Arsenal, Newcastle, Liverpool, Tottenham

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Rumours, Rumours, come and get your piping hot rumours!!!!!!!!

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has again reiterated *YAWN* that Micheal Ballack won’t be going to Real Madrid in January. Meanwhile The Special One’s other overpaid flop, Andriy ‘Show Me The Money’ Shevchenko will be given a start against Blackburn this weekend. (Sun)

Arsene Wenger, already outraged by US Fox Soccer Channel’s misspelling of his name (yes, those muppets spell it Venger), has now turned to ex-assistant Damien Comolli, and is accusing him of pilfering his address book will all those juicy contacts. (Daily Star)

Northern Rock, the main and shirt sponsor of Newcastle United is in financial trouble and has had to ask the Bank of England for assistance. (Various)

West Ham and Everton are both storming down to Plymouth, desperate to bag Dan Gosling. But they are facing heartbreak, it seems Mr Gosling would prefer to stay at Argyle! (Daily Mirror)

If Peter Crouch turns his nose up at Liverpool’s new contract offer then ‘Arry Redknapp will be ready and waiting… (Daily Mail)

Fernando Torres has apparently pled with Rafa Benitez to give him the No.9 shirt “in a bid to make himself a Kop legend like Ian Rush and Robbie Fowler”….What a desperately pitiful story…See? International Week has even weakened the Sun’s bullsh*t capabilities! (The Sun)

The Sun has startled the footballing world with the revalation that Fulham boss Lawrie Sanchez wouldn’t mind signing Emile Heskey…Apparently Sanchez had an epiphany during International week…join the club Sanchez… (Sun)

And last but not least….Tottenham boss Martin Jol is thinking of pursuing a career in stand up comedy after claiming that he can be as a good a manager as Gunners boss Arsene Wenger. (Daily Express)