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Newcastle striker will stay as long as Sam Allardyce does

Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins has stunned the footballing world (and his strike partner Michael Owen) by actually claiming that it was Sam Allardyce’s avuncular genius, and all round football nous that actually convinced him to stay at St James’ Park. As The Sun wittily puts it, he is OBA-JOYED, boom! boom!

The Nigerian, who hit his fifth of the season in Newcastle’s last game against Spurs, claims to love life under Big Sam. Martins said:

“I’m happy and settled at Newcastle. If Sam Allardyce is here for five years I will be here for five years also. That is how much I enjoy playing for him.”

The unsuspecting journalists had barely regained balance from the seismic shockwaves of that revelation when Martins continued, this time praising himself, then Michael Owen, and then slapped some more praise on himself. Martins said:

“I’m scoring goals and I’m playing games — that’s all you can ask for as a striker. I feel settled in England. People have said two small strikers cannot play together but of course we can. I think Michael and me can play together because we are both good players. It’s the same with Mark Viduka or Shola Ameobi, I think I can play with all of them. I have 22 goals in 50 games. I don’t set myself targets of say 20 or 30 goals a season, I just try to score as many as I can. They say a mark of a world-class striker is a goal every other game and I’m quite close to that at Newcastle.”

Beating Spurs about the brow on the weekend, Owen gradually making a comeback, up in the top six. Life is good in Newcastle, other than the disgusting women.