West Ham – Satan’s Plaything?

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Some Premiership clubs have bad luck – Newcastle and Tottenham have become synonymous with the physio room in recent years. Chelsea struggled with a depleted squad last season even in spite of their spending, while Arsenal had to make do without Thierry Henry for the crucial final run in last season.

And then there’s West Ham. Who have, in less than a year, managed to see everything they touched go absolutely pear shaped (other than dodging relegation on the final day, although that whole situation was hardly positive).

The latest catastrophy is that new signing Julian Faubert, whose move to the club was labelled ‘unspeakably stupid‘, is going to be out for 6 months with an Achilles problem.

Head physiotherapist George Cooper told the club’s official website: “The injury was completely out of the blue. Julien has no history of any Achilles problems.

“On the plus side, we have managed to get him to a top surgeon. Two to three days is the key time for this injury and everything will be done and in place for Julien within that period.

“We expect him to be out of action for around six months but we will not be putting any definitive date on his return – he will come back only when he is completely ready.”

At this stage, there’s little point in trying to figure out what will happen next to West Ham. The curse began the day Eggsy Magnusson and his biscuit fortune arrived – so our money is on him killing a gypsy’s daughter the week before.

While strangling a black cat.

Under a ladder.

Shortly before feeding his Mogwai after midnight.